Tuesday 6 Sept 11

My dinner tonight, as you can see below, is prawn and chicken curry. It had lots of sauce left over. Yesterday I would have got out some bread and soaked it up. Today I have had to put a bit more thought into it. So, my current thought is I will boil some eggs and mash the sauce into them so I have curried eggs. Then I can give some to my housemate for sandwiches, and I can have some with lettuce. Yum!

Today I ate:
Protein drink
LC shepherd's pie
Chicken and prawn curry

Setting a start date

Thanks for your kind words SheZug. I did Comment back but with all the Google upgrades and account merging they are doing these days, unfortunately I can log in here to make a post but not use the same log in to reply to a Comment.

Bizarre.

So anyway, I was saying that the encouragement is much appreciated. Unfortunately it hasn't helped me get started yet, but at least I am prepared when I do ;) ... which ironically is what this post is about.

I'd like to know how you are travelling as well SheZug :)


Getting started...

I am completely at a stand still with getting started. I think about it all the time. I think about all the reasons why. I try different ways of convincing myself to get started.

I put a lot of thought into trying to figure out where the block is. Why don't I want to get started? Surely the carbs I give up are nothing compared to the benefits I would reap. Right?

My current idea is that maybe setting a start date would be the key. Or at least a key to get me moving on this slope.

So I'm going to set something realistic (ie. tomorrow is not realistic). Then I can see the date getting closer and closer and it wont feel as jarring when it arrives.

That's the theory anyway.

And the winning date is .....

Wednesday 31st August!

Cooking

Did a whole bunch of lc cooking this weekend. Portioned into containers so I have lunches and dinners made for the whole week.

Well, that was the idea. Got part of the way, just not 14 portions yet.

I have:
2 x chicken and prawn curry with "rice"
1 x fish fry with roasted veggies
2 x shepherd's pie
1 x leek and parsnip soup

So only 6 out of 14, and it took me all day.

New scales!

I bought a set of scales today! I haven't really had any proper scales in my whole life.

Sadly now that I have bought them I have lost motivation to make food changes but hopefully it will come back soon.

Still Kicking

Still kicking along. I have an aversion of some kind to losing weight and I can't quite put my finger on why. I know there are a lot of pros, I know there are a lot of cons. Why do I lean one way more than the other?

Trying to find motivation

It's the age-old problem, trying to find motivation for losing weight. It doesn't make any sense to only put some effort into this once I cause a health problem. But it seems that's the track I am on. How ridiculous.

Repeat repeat repeat

Well I haven't got anything new to say. Just the same as I always do.

My theory is if I don't have anything new that can help me, I may as well just keep repeating the same stuff over and over until I get it through my thick head.

So today I think I will list all the positive things I get out of being fat, and then see if I can find their exact opposite which might eventually help me make a change.

What living a fat lifestyle has going for it:

• Every option at a restaurant is open to choose from
• I can eat a range of unpackaged and prepackaged foods as I choose
• I can eat anything friend's provide when I visit them for dinner
• Going out for drinks with friends is always an option
• I don't have to take food with me if I stay over at a friend's or otherwise wont get home/to a kitchen to make food
• I can skip meals if I want to
• I don't have to deal with comments from people about my weight changing
• I don't have to get up early to prepare breakfast or any meal
• I enjoy feeling like I'm not attracting anyone's attention when I walk passed

And now the other side of the coin, what being skinny has going for it:

• I will spontaneously go out with the bf and his mates without thinking inside that he might get picked on by his friends for me being fat
• I wont have to move so far over to squish passed people in a small opening
• Less backfat from a bra
• I wont have to squish my fat arms in so much at the theatre/cinema/anywhere I have to sit next to someone
• I will be able to cross my legs again! And, no, I don't mean the ankle cross, I mean up at the thigh!
• I wont have to fuss over how clothes are sitting on me to cover up particular areas
• I will have more energy in the morning from good foods that I will want to get up a touch earlier to actually do my hair, more than a quick brush or put in a pony tail
I will have a general feeling of being able to move around better, taking up less space
• I wont have such heavy footsteps when walking around
• I'll be able to go caving without wondering about moving around and getting through spaces and my general size

And the reality of living now:

• I find it hard to find clothes
• I get grumpy in yoga because I can't move parts of me certain ways due to my [insert body part here] getting in the way
• I get pins and needles way too easily and often
• I worry I'm judged at work because of my size
• I feel messy when I eat around people, like I have a fat face that is just scoffing food
• Sex life could be better
• I just feel large, generally large

How did I get here?

• I used to be the skinny friend, the more attractive one. I had way too many passes from friends' boyfriends that I think being fat has made that situation much easier to deal with
• I like feel indulgent with food - though often I don't take advantage of the fact I can be
• I want people to judge me on who I am solely, not in combination with how I look... though I would like to get it into my head that this isn't possible
• I honestly don't think I look that large ... but I do and I need to get this into my head

I need to get it into my head that:

• I look larger than I think I look
• People judge me based on my appearance regardless of whether it's attractive or not
• I wont magically have a predator after me just because I'm thinner
• I can handle any sexual advance I may receive
• I wont out-shine my friends because I'm thin
• It's ok to out-shine people sometimes, I can't keep keeping myself down
• Following a weight loss plan doesn't have to take over my social life
• There are only positives to losing weight, no negatives

Pending

Well I got off to a terrible start, as my previous post will show.

I woke up with a nasty cold on Monday and now that it's Wednesday I'm trying to get my head around re-starting. I still haven't got through all the reading as my mind is full of fog (not to mention other stuff which my three boxes of tissues are helping clear) so I still don't have a proper understanding of what I should be doing. And I still don't know how I'm going to work my existing life into it, even though I know it's only for a "few weeks".

Back to work again tomorrow and I'm not organised at all.

One bonus I can say is that I've taken the opportunity to get all of the caffeine reliance out of my system (it takes 72hrs right?).

Day 1

Well off to a bit of a rocky start to Day 1 of my 12-Week challenge.

Woke up with tonsils the size of golf balls and it's dark outside in the mornings these days. Grabbed the two protein drinks I'd prepared last night and the meat and salad container and headed off to work.

Left work just passed 11am, feeling like death.

It's currently 1.15pm and I have had that protein drink while at work and the salad while home. I'll have the other pre-prepared drink tomorrow so I don't have to make up any new ones.

Feeling hungry, want to eat the easiest thing laying around. Could do with a good milky coffee too.

Can only blame myself though - I've had two out of the six meals for today and it's passed lunch time, I've also only had one out of the 12 glasses of water I'm supposed to have. Feeling a bit out of sorts.

Had a HUGE weekend this weekend and last weekend so I didn't have the 'few hours' to go over all of the rules and guidelines and also my exercise plan. Honestly though, I am booked in for Yoga tonight, not sure if I want to change it to something more rigorous. I want to get well.

I keep fighting the urge to argue with the food plan and my "I know better" attitude lol. I think I'm doing ok with it so far though. But it's still early.

So that's the update so far.

Feeling under prepared, hungry but don't want to eat, haven't had enough to drink, have a headache, aching joints and a nose that wont stop (obviously not related to food, I've caught a bug from someone).

EDIT: OK I don't get this AT ALL. How if I don't get home from work until 5pm and I have Yoga 6-7pm am I supposed to cook and eat dinner? A. Where is my travelling time, and B. how do I get there and not be absolutely stuffed I can't morph myself into those positions???

I've got the flu.