Sunday, June 19, 2011

Repeat repeat repeat

Well I haven't got anything new to say. Just the same as I always do.

My theory is if I don't have anything new that can help me, I may as well just keep repeating the same stuff over and over until I get it through my thick head.

So today I think I will list all the positive things I get out of being fat, and then see if I can find their exact opposite which might eventually help me make a change.

What living a fat lifestyle has going for it:

  • Every option at a restaurant is open to choose from
  • I can eat a range of unpackaged and prepackaged foods as I choose
  • I can eat anything friend's provide when I visit them for dinner
  • Going out for drinks with friends is always an option
  • I don't have to take food with me if I stay over at a friend's or otherwise wont get home/to a kitchen to make food
  • I can skip meals if I want to
  • I don't have to deal with comments from people about my weight changing
  • I don't have to get up early to prepare breakfast or any meal
  • I enjoy feeling like I'm not attracting anyone's attention when I walk passed

And now the other side of the coin, what being skinny has going for it:

  • I will spontaneously go out with the bf and his mates without thinking inside that he might get picked on by his friends for me being fat
  • I wont have to move so far over to squish passed people in a small opening
  • Less backfat from a bra
  • I wont have to squish my fat arms in so much at the theatre/cinema/anywhere I have to sit next to someone
  • I will be able to cross my legs again! And, no, I don't mean the ankle cross, I mean up at the thigh!
  • I wont have to fuss over how clothes are sitting on me to cover up particular areas
  • I will have more energy in the morning from good foods that I will want to get up a touch earlier to actually do my hair, more than a quick brush or put in a pony tail
  • I will have a general feeling of being able to move around better, taking up less space
  • I wont have such heavy footsteps when walking around
  • I'll be able to go caving without wondering about moving around and getting through spaces and my general size

And the reality of living now:

  • I find it hard to find clothes
  • I get grumpy in yoga because I can't move parts of me certain ways due to my [insert body part here] getting in the way
  • I get pins and needles way too easily and often
  • I worry I'm judged at work because of my size
  • I feel messy when I eat around people, like I have a fat face that is just scoffing food
  • Sex life could be better
  • I just feel large, generally large

How did I get here?

  • I used to be the skinny friend, the more attractive one. I had way too many passes from friends' boyfriends that I think being fat has made that situation much easier to deal with
  • I like feel indulgent with food - though often I don't take advantage of the fact I can be
  • I want people to judge me on who I am solely, not in combination with how I look... though I would like to get it into my head that this isn't possible
  • I honestly don't think I look that large ... but I do and I need to get this into my head

I need to get it into my head that:

  • I look larger than I think I look
  • People judge me based on my appearance regardless of whether it's attractive or not
  • I wont magically have a predator after me just because I'm thinner
  • I can handle any sexual advance I may receive
  • I wont out-shine my friends because I'm thin
  • It's ok to out-shine people sometimes, I can't keep keeping myself down
  • Following a weight loss plan doesn't have to take over my social life
  • There are only positives to losing weight, no negatives

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