Repeat repeat repeat

Well I haven't got anything new to say. Just the same as I always do.

My theory is if I don't have anything new that can help me, I may as well just keep repeating the same stuff over and over until I get it through my thick head.

So today I think I will list all the positive things I get out of being fat, and then see if I can find their exact opposite which might eventually help me make a change.

What living a fat lifestyle has going for it:

• Every option at a restaurant is open to choose from
• I can eat a range of unpackaged and prepackaged foods as I choose
• I can eat anything friend's provide when I visit them for dinner
• Going out for drinks with friends is always an option
• I don't have to take food with me if I stay over at a friend's or otherwise wont get home/to a kitchen to make food
• I can skip meals if I want to
• I don't have to deal with comments from people about my weight changing
• I don't have to get up early to prepare breakfast or any meal
• I enjoy feeling like I'm not attracting anyone's attention when I walk passed

And now the other side of the coin, what being skinny has going for it:

• I will spontaneously go out with the bf and his mates without thinking inside that he might get picked on by his friends for me being fat
• I wont have to move so far over to squish passed people in a small opening
• Less backfat from a bra
• I wont have to squish my fat arms in so much at the theatre/cinema/anywhere I have to sit next to someone
• I will be able to cross my legs again! And, no, I don't mean the ankle cross, I mean up at the thigh!
• I wont have to fuss over how clothes are sitting on me to cover up particular areas
• I will have more energy in the morning from good foods that I will want to get up a touch earlier to actually do my hair, more than a quick brush or put in a pony tail
I will have a general feeling of being able to move around better, taking up less space
• I wont have such heavy footsteps when walking around
• I'll be able to go caving without wondering about moving around and getting through spaces and my general size

And the reality of living now:

• I find it hard to find clothes
• I get grumpy in yoga because I can't move parts of me certain ways due to my [insert body part here] getting in the way
• I get pins and needles way too easily and often
• I worry I'm judged at work because of my size
• I feel messy when I eat around people, like I have a fat face that is just scoffing food
• Sex life could be better
• I just feel large, generally large

How did I get here?

• I used to be the skinny friend, the more attractive one. I had way too many passes from friends' boyfriends that I think being fat has made that situation much easier to deal with
• I like feel indulgent with food - though often I don't take advantage of the fact I can be
• I want people to judge me on who I am solely, not in combination with how I look... though I would like to get it into my head that this isn't possible
• I honestly don't think I look that large ... but I do and I need to get this into my head

I need to get it into my head that:

• I look larger than I think I look
• People judge me based on my appearance regardless of whether it's attractive or not
• I wont magically have a predator after me just because I'm thinner
• I can handle any sexual advance I may receive
• I wont out-shine my friends because I'm thin
• It's ok to out-shine people sometimes, I can't keep keeping myself down
• Following a weight loss plan doesn't have to take over my social life
• There are only positives to losing weight, no negatives