Sunday, December 14, 2008

Sunday 14 December 2008

10.50am
100ml cream - 2.6g

12.40pm
Big breakfast - 2 fried eggs, bacon, mushrooms, spinach, caramalised onions and sliced chorizo - 10g (phew! I thought this was going to be heaps!)

3pm
2 Cups of tea with milk - 2g

7.30pm
Harry's burrito in a bowl - 4.5g

That gives a total of 19.1g carb for the day. I'm really having sugar cravings at the moment though (TOM due any day now) so I may or may not have a sf choc later. It's 8.55pm and I'm still full from dinner so my mind says it's silly to but if my body says otherwise, I'm not going to deprive myself. They're 4.7g carb each.

I just want to briefly discuss a topic that I've wanted to write about for a few days but reading Vadim's latest entry it's brought it more to the forefront.

It's the 'why' issue.

Why are we overweight. Why are we staying this way. Why do we want to lose it. Why are we resisting. Why is this time different.

If you want to, I'd truly love everyone to answer the above questions about themselves. Either in a Comment below, in your own blog, or both.

Be as honest as possible. I really think it will help. :)

C'mon, I'll go first...
Why are we overweight? I believe I'm overweight because I attract attention from people without doing anything particularly special and, from the media, it looked like to me that gaining weight would make one unattractive and therefore able to blend into the background. Wrong.

Why are we staying this way? Because as much as my experience tells me that the above reasoning is inaccurate, I can't seem to 100% believe it. Suuuuuurely a fat girl isn't someone people want to hang out with so much? Maybe I'm not big enough (I tested this theory too - wrong again).

Why do we want to lose it? It's physically restrictive and I'm not getting the results that I'd hoped for.

Why are we resisting? It's hard to unlearn something and change a behaviour you've fully had for so many years.

Why is this time different? Well, I'm hoping against hope it is. I don't like this roller coaster - it's embarrassing. Other people around me notice the weight fluctuations (sometimes when there are none hehe) and, I might be wrong, but I think they might think it makes me seem a bit unstable and that's not what I want at all. Also the longer you're big, the more people around you get used to it so the more attention you get when what they're used to changes.

What am I focussing on this time to make it different - psychologically?
Forcing myself to post each and every single day to a bunch of people I know will be expecting it is a great motivater (and I'm returning the favour - don't think you can get away without posting either! lol). I did Reiki 1 a couple of weeks ago and was told that the attraction other people have for me would increase. Now, I'm sure you could guess how pleased I was with that news (would it be too 90s of me to add a "not" in here somewhere?) ;)

Let me just put a quick disclaimer in here before I continue - by "attraction to me" I don't mean anything drastic. It's mearly being spoken to when I'm in a crowd or sitting nowhere-near-obvious in an audience and being picked out by the host or cars driving down the street stopping to yell something out. It's not always nice, either (although I'm sure they think they're being complimentary), but overall it's just a general 'attraction' or 'attention' issue I seem to have while other people around me don't.

I've been speaking to my Psych-K lady about it for yonks now and I think realising, with Reiki, that people are attracted to my energy and not the way I look is really helping.


Does that sound a bit too hocus pocus for most of you? A few years ago it would have for me, too. I guess experience is the key and when you experience your cat reacting to you differently when you change your mental energy around, you figure out people really do have other connections to each other.


A loose statistic that springs to mind is that before WWI the majority of babies born were female and female death during childbirth was stupidly high. After the wars most babies born were male, then it evened up a bit. Nowadays, with women on the whole living longer than men, most babies born are male.


People really do have a connection, it just takes a looooooooong time for a sceptic like me to see it. ;)

6 comments:

  1. Hi Erika,
    Thanks for the opportunity to post about the above questions. I tend to be an "invisible" person, so hearing you complain about people being attracted to you seems strange. But I can see where being the center of attention could feel embarrassing or overwhelming. You were probably born with personality, looks, energy that will always attract people whether you're thin or fat. And I think the "human-ness" of fluctuating weight is a good thing-perfect people are quite boring really.
    Ok, the questions:
    I think I'm overweight because as I got older I became insulin-resistant because of genetics and over-eating carbs all my life. I think all the carbs also accelerated the ageing process, along with loads of stress thru my 40's.
    I stay overweight because old habits die hard. I've been making stabs at low carb for a couple years now. But still having lots of binge-ing along with it. It's a PROCESS of changing the way you do your life. Food's been my best friend forever. And it's also that I've ALWAYS loved tons of carbs and could never understand those people who can eat two cookies and not the whole box at one sitting. I think all this is very much a PHYSICAL addiction problem. (Read Gary Taubes.)
    I want to lose because I have the apple-shape body (bad) and want to get healthier. I'm a naturally thin person-always was (while eating everything) until late 30's probably. Then I started gaining constantly (insulin-resistance). The natural shape for me would be Audrey Hepburn-boy would I like to look like her too!! Thin, hair up, long neck. Actually I have a naturally fat neck-that won't go away no matter how thin I get! It's genetic.
    I guess I resist because carbs taste so darn good and I have to give them up. I have to watch others eat cake, chips, etc.
    This time is different because I've been thru all the other stages and it's just time! I'm 51 years old-if not now, when???!
    Thanks.

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  2. MMmmm.... that looks like a great menu! I'm going grunchy (grocery) store shopping today and know some things I'll pick up for sure. :) I love learning our language variances. Tuna mix sounds like the commercial version we have here, too, with too much mayo. It's much better homemade. Never tried it with sour cream like Harry, but will try that next as I love sour cream. My former manager just mixed his with soy sauce, but I haven't been brave enough to try that one.

    Now, to your questions:

    Why are we overweight?
    I think, for me, it was a lifetime of eating lots of carbs and sugar leading to insulin resistance and then trying all the wrong diets to get the weight off. In addition to the stress of being in a very high demand religious group that really took a whopping on me stress-wise (and a divorce for leaving the group). It was too much to deal with life, much less stick to any kind of diet during that time. I was doing good to get up in the mornings.

    Why are we staying this way?
    Change is hard! It has to encompass our whole life (body, soul, mind) - a true lifestyle change and relationship with food change.

    Why do we want to lose it?
    I just turned 40 and I am tired of my body not matching how I feel. I know it sounds silly but I often forget that I am fat and not that curvaceous young thang I used to be. I also would like to get married again one day and even I would not date me right now.

    I want to be healthy and able to take care of myself into my sunset years. Married or not, I do not want to depend on others to do things for me that I should be able to do if I take care of my body now.

    Why are we resisting?
    Change is hard and it *is* embarrassing to have people notice me because of my weight, even if it's because it's going down. I do not like to be the center of attention, like you, I prefer to blend in.

    Why is this time different?
    I am very motivated to be healthy and independent. I now have much more knowledge about the hows and whys of LC, proper diet and exercise. Having that understanding, I think, is tremendously empowering and that much more motivating.

    Quality of life! I want to be able to go, do and enjoy without the restrictions that extra weight and health issues puts on me.

    I am eternally grateful to Jimmy for this opportunity / challenge, to those who read my journal on his forums and the others who share their knowledge: Jimmy's readers, the Eades, Taubes, etc....

    Have a great day!

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  3. p.s. You, me and Kris/Sybil, I think, are on the same wavelength. ;) I am certified Reiki III and a big believer in energy work.

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  4. I love that you asked questions!
    Here are my thoughts on everything you asked:

    Why am I overweight?
    I think it all stems back to my younger years. As a child I was always tiny, I was very sickly and had loads of medical problems. When I was 9 years old, I had an operation that solved all of my problems. I started growing and I started finally putting on weight to be in the normal ranges. My Mom had always had to force feed me because I was always so sick and didn't want to eat. All of a sudden, I had desire to eat and as a result started growing and gaining weight. My parents were so happy they encouraged me to eat! Then I got really chubby, the sort of cute chubby that kids are. When I went to a new school I got involved in athletics and began running and lifting weights. The weight fell off. I stayed very active for my school years and was eating probably enormous portions of food to fuel all of my activity. When I was 18 I was in a very bad car accident and couldn't resume my normal activites for months because of my injuries. I ate the same way I had been eating and started gaining weight.

    Why am I staying this way?
    Something happened, I stopped seeing myself. I didn't realize that my weight was out of control for many years. I wouldn't have my picture taken, I refused to be videotaped at family functions. I knew I was a big girl. I am nearly 6 ft tall and since I hit my growth spurt I have towered over most of my family members and all of my friends, even boyfriends.

    Why do I want to lose it?
    This is a very personal answer for me, not easy to say either. I don't usually talk about it because I get really sad. I want to lose weight so that I can have a baby. At my current weight, the complications I would have are not worth it. I talked to my doctor and he recommended I lose at least 80 lbs before I considered getting pregnant. My husband and I discussed all the concerns and together we decided that is what I need to do. I know there are women my size who have babies all the time, but we want to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby, (I am not getting any younger!). Due to my age and financial responsibilities we will most likely only have one child. We are trying to be smart about the whole thing.

    Why am I resisting?
    I have to relearn everything! I am learning how to eat, what to eat, how much to eat. I am learning that I can't sit on the couch all day long watching tv and expect the pounds to come off. It takes a while for the brain to switch. I also have had several setbacks (injury, surgury, medical issues) that put me back to square one. Going back to square one sucks rotten eggs big time! Then depression sets in, and the cycle starts all over again.

    Why is this time different?
    This time is different because I am tired of failing, I am tired of being depressed and I am tired of my life passing me by while I get a bigger ass on the couch. This time I have set up a no fail enviroment with my blog and now youtube videos. I have been lucky enough to find all of the others like me out there in the world who struggle. Who understand what I am going through. I have done my research, I have read the books, I have the support of my doctors. I have the support of my husband, my family, and my new internet buddies. Together we can do it, and if I have to hop on a plane to knock some sense into one of you who falls off the wagon, you'd better watchout, I might just do it! LOL
    Erika, thank you so very much for posting these questions <3 It is an eye opening experience.

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  5. Why are we overweight?
    I've always been overweight. Even as a kid I was overweight. I guess then I just didn't know any other way. I was even ok with it, until I saw a picture of myself over 300 pounds. I then realized how far out of control I really was. I still have that picture. I cried over it for weeks. Why didn't I realize it before the picture? I don't know the answer to that. It was kind of like being the opposite of an anorexic. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't see my fat self. I saw someone who wasn't so bad. That picture opened my eyes.

    Why are we staying this way?
    I think I came across my answer a few years ago. I have it all. A great husband, a great son. A great marriage. I'm happy. My sister lost her husband to a heart attack at age 39. My brother lost his 2 girls to a drunk driver. My other sister, her husband has always had LOTS of health issues, her children have all spent time in jail. My younger brother, though now has turned his life around, was into drugs and hanging with people who weren't the greatest influence. If I lost the weight, I would have it all. Being fat was MY punishment for having a happy life when the other members of my family did not.
    I also have issues with standing out. Not that anyone would give me attention for my looks, but my WHOLE family is over weight. I never wanted to be the one who stood out.

    Why do we want to lose it?
    Since the picture episode, I've always wanted to lose it. Just could never figure out how and not tip the issues I just listed above. Now that I'm older I just realized I have to do this for ME.

    Why are we resisting?
    I don't know the answer to that yet. I do know that when I see the scales going down. I usually will sabotage at some point. A few years ago when I got down to 230. Scared the tar out of me when people started noticing that I was loosing.

    Why is this time different?
    I've been working on not letting others get to me. It doesn't matter now what others think. I'm doing this for ME, no one else...
    I also discovered Coconut oil. When I eat more fat I feel fuller. When I was LCing before I kept listening to the dietitians, doctors, and friends that fat was bad for you. So I would always try to cut it down. Which in turn would bring back cravings and the cycle begins all over again.

    What am I focusing on this time to make it different - psychologically?
    Trying to listen to my body and my needs. I was never a breakfast person. So I don't eat it now. I don't care if 'they' say its the most important meal of the day. If my body says its not hungry than I don't eat. Coconut oil has REALLY helped with this also.
    I'm also focusing on -'I do have the right to be happy, what has happened to others is NOT my fault.' When I do lose this weight, it doesn't mean that I will lose what is important to me.

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  6. Thanks for posting the ?'s Erika

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